Anger is a natural response to unfair or frustrating situations. Everyone gets angry sometimes, but learning how to manage your anger is key. However, women are often encouraged to suppress their anger and hide their emotions, even when they’re angry for a completely justifiable reason. Women are taught that they need to brush their own feelings under the rug, and that sticking up for themselves or expressing their anger isn’t “nice.”
This societal standard is unhealthy in the long run. Learning how to process and communicate this complex feeling is a key emotional regulation skill that many women have to master in adulthood on their own terms. If you’re having trouble dealing with your anger, here are a few strategies that may help you cope.
Grant Yourself a Momentary “Escape”
Anger can be all-consuming. When you’re overwhelmed with anger, you might say things you regret in the moment. Once you’ve calmed down, you may find yourself wishing that you could take back your previous comments. That’s why it’s so important to find a way to “step back” from situations that make you angry. In some instances, you might be able to physically leave the room and go for a walk to relax. At other times, you may not be able to leave. But you can try counting backwards from ten while taking a few deep breaths, or even closing your eyes for a few seconds.
It’s important to note that this does not entail brushing your anger under the rug. Instead, you’re giving yourself the chance to think through what you really want to say. You’ll be able to communicate clearly and calmly instead of giving into arguing.
Pay Attention to Your Triggers
What sparks your anger? Learning how to avoid unnecessary triggers that make you angry is an important aspect of anger management. Think about specific situations or interactions that tend to make you angry. Figure out if you could simply nix some of these triggers from your life. For instance, if you tend to “doom scroll” on social media and get angry about what you read, it may be time to delete those apps from your phone!
What if you can’t simply avoid some of these triggers? If this is the case, you’ll need to come up with strategies for coping with your feelings or better communicating your boundaries to the people involved if possible. It could even mean rewarding yourself afterwards. For example, perhaps you occasionally have to work with a coworker who you’ve never gotten along with. Afterwards, you could plan an activity that reliably boosts your mood. This can help you stay calm and shift your perspective.
Find a Healthy Emotional Outlet
Everyone needs a safe way to express themselves honestly. Yes, you should feel comfortable speaking up to defend your own needs and navigating conflicts with others. But sometimes, you just need to release all the built-up tension that accompanies anger, and arguing with someone is not a healthy or productive way to accomplish this. Instead, consider turning to a trustworthy, non-judgmental friend who you can vent to without feeling ashamed. You could also open up to a therapist who specializes in anger management.
Additionally, it’s a good idea to pick up a creative or physical hobby that allows you to get your feelings off your chest. This might mean writing in a journal, going running to clear your mind, or creating another work of art.
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Are you struggling to get your anger under control? Working with a therapist can help. Reach out to us to discuss your options for scheduling your first session.